One Certain Magical Punch Volume 2
by SoulAzul
Summary: Touma Kamijou, your typical everyday high schooler. Saitama, aka Caped Baldy, super hero for fun. Underwhelming on the surface. Yet, beneath their exterior lies the power to prevent tragidies with one fist. These two unsung heroes once again find their paths crossing in order to combat the mysterious TROLL that threatens both their personal sanctuaries in this exciting sequel!
1. Prologue

The rapid tapping of a keyboard filled a dark room. The only lighting available were the LED screens from several old looking computers. Well, old relative to the rest of the world. This mysterious room was located within one of the darkest treads of Academy City. A city 30 years ahead of the world in scientific advancement.

With a populace consisted of 80% students, it was also home to the Esper Development Curriculum. It was a city wide school program dedicated to the development of psychic abilities in its young inhabitants. Depending on the range and versatility of the power, students are ranked from Levels 1 through 5. Such abilities could range from pretty much anything from pyrokinesis to vector manipulation. Through drugs, hypnosis, or even luck, one could bend the natural elements of the world to suit their own personal realities.

A city full of adolescent freaks with military grade powers of destruction. Naturally, due to the incongruous nature of man, this would do nothing to satiate the innate desire for conflict and conquer. The existence of such abilities only aided in the simultaneous struggle for supremacy every great nation faced. Yes, this was a city where science had such an omnipresent impact on society that it was indistinguishable from the fairy tales and magic of old age.

And yet, there remained outliers. Cogs thrown into the machine, rejects of society, or even otherwise underwhelming people thrown into extraordinary circumstances. People who simply refused to go with the flow of the world set up for them. At the center of this shounen manga premise stood one boy. One boy with the mysterious right hand that would dispel any supernatural ability, science or magic, with a single touch.

Several windows appeared and disappeared on the wide screen at the center in lightning fast intervals. It wasn't because of a maintenance program. That was simply the speed and efficiency that young man with the glasses operated under. Several plastic bags of unhealthy cheddar snacks were sprawled around his desk. He reached out and grabbed one near his foot.

Upon realizing it was empty, he groaned, squeezed it, and tossed it overhead. He looked around only to find more bags littered around his desk and chair. He pressed his right hand against the desk and ran it across then leant over and did the same on the space next to his foot. He gave up his search and picked up an empty bag next to his drive. He arched his head back, opened his mouth, and dangled the bag above him so that the remaining fragments and dust would fall out.

All the while, the tapping of the keyboard never stopped. The pace didn't slow down either, not one click. Then the screen made an odd sound. A final window appeared. Within it were some very peculiar phrases.

They sounded like something you may find in an action sci-fi video game. The same could be said about the other windows. He skimmed over the screen without any enthusiasm.

Misaka Mikoto.

Index Librorum Prohibitorum.

The Roman Catholic Church.

The English Puritan Church.

Tsukiyomi Kamoi.

Necessarius.

Stiyl Magnus.

Kaori Kanzaki.

Saints.

Esper Development Curriculum.

Personal Reality.

AIM Diffusion Fields.

RSPK Syndrome.

Deep Blood.

Himegami Aisa.

Aureolus Izzard.

Project 6 Shift.

Accelerator.

The Misaka Network.

Angel Fall.

Archangel Gabriel.

Tsuchimikado Motoharu.

Last Order.

Amai Ao.

Etzali.

Aztec Magic.

Yamisaka Ouma.

Imaginary Numbers District - Five Element Agency.

Hyouka Kazakiri.

Sherry Cromwell.

Lola Stuart.

Orsola Aquinas.

Agnese Sanctis.

The Amakusa Church.

Tatemiya Saiji.

Tree Diagram Remnants.

Kuroko Shirai.

Awaki Musujime.

The Daihasei Festival.

Croce di Pietro.

Orianna Thompson.

Lidvia Lorenzetti.

Sogiita Gunha.

La Regina del Mare Adriatico.

Biagio Busoni.

Ollerus.

Amata Kihara.

God's Right Seat.

Vento of the Front.

Skill-Out Uprising.

Komaba Ritoku.

Hamazura Shiage.

Document of Constantine.

Terra of the Left.

BLOCK.

ITEM.

GROUP.

MEMBER.

SCHOOL.

Aqua of the Back.

The British Royal Family.

Queen Elizard.

First Princess Riméa.

Second Princess Carissa.

Third Princess Villain.

The Knights of England.

Knight Leader.

Curtanna Original.

DRAGON.

Aiwass.

Fiamma of the Right.

Takitsubo Rikou.

Misaka Worst.

British Halloween aka World War 3.

Freshmen.

Dawn-Colored Sunlight.

Leivinia Birdway.

Mark Space.

Project Dark May.

Kuroyoru Umidori.

Hawaii Invasion.

Saronia A. Irivika.

Baggage City.

Kihara Byouri.

Kihara Enshuu.

Kihara Kagun.

Marian Slingeneyer.

Ichihanaranasai Festival

Thor.

GREMLIN.

Magic God Othinus.

Agitate Halation.

Yakumi Hasano.

Magic Gods.

Archetype Controller.

…

… …

… … ...

The nerdy college aged man sat up and stretched his arms and back for a few seconds.

"Hrrnnnnnnngnh…!"

He let his arms drop to his sides and they swung limply like a pair of fleshy pendulums. He put weight on his feet and was about to stand up, but a few soft and plump kilograms abruptly pinned down his lap.

"Ommff?"

In a daze, he arched his head down. The tip of his nose just barely made contact with that of a grinning purple haired, pig tailed, violet eyed midget with fishnet stockings, a purple two piece skirt, and dark purple leather boots going up to her thighs.

"All done with your homework, Onii-Chan?" she said innocently.

"Get the hell off my lap you fucking useless loli."

The faux jailbait fem-fatale puffed her cheeks and scowled.

"No bully."

"Sighhhhhh."

A cadenceless trail of footsteps grew closer and the nerdy boy dejectedly turned his head. A gruff, delinquent type was the first to speak.

"Akushi, dude," he said as swung his head side to side to crack his neck. "This room's a dump. How can you think straight with all this shit everywhere?"

"It actually helps with the creative process."

"Don't tell me you're buying into that too." He pointed behind himself to a figure about four heads shorter than him with his left thumb. "Jazz told me the same thing on the way up. I'm no scientist but I think y'all just lazy as fuck."

Jazz responded with a silky feminine voice.

"It's backed by science," it said. "And you had all that time to look it up on our way here. There's no excuse for doubt in the age of information and Wi-Fi hotspots."

"Look, I don't care how smart you two are. Laziness is still laziness and y'all are some of the biggest slobs I know. One day, you're gonna slip on a cum soaked napkin or something and you're gonna bust your nose like a retard because you didn't feel like getting your act together when you had the chance."

An arm wrapped around Yoga's shoulder from the right. The all too familiar sensation made every hair on his back stand up.

"Come now, Yoga-chan," a nonchalantly seductive man said. "Get the stick out your ass and leave the thinking to the ones who are good at it, m'kay?"

"Frbehajababhahabahababha-! Get your hands off me, Danjo!"

"Oh my? On a first name basis already? Did I unlock the relationship level where we get the private cutscene they can't show in-game?"

"Just because I got a boner one time when I walked in on you changing doesn't mean like guys!"

"That's gay as fuck but ooo~kaaaa~yyy~."

"Square up bitch."

"Heyheyhey," Akushi said. "Can you guys do me a solid and shut your dirty Satan worshipping mouths up? I've been awake for like 18 hours and I've got a throbbing headache."

"I can give you a throbbing 'head pat' if that's what you need Onii-Chan."

"Go fuck your mother. So, uhh...Why did I call you guys here again…?"

"Seriously?!" shouted the one called Yoga but Danjo perched his index finger on his lips to shut him up.

"Hey now. It's 4 AM. There's no need for that unless you're getting that ass tapped. In which case, scream away." His finger was swatted away as he turned to the nerdy man sitting down. "But that just begs the question."

"Because," a low baritone said. "It's about that time."

"What?" said Yoga. "Speak up Renji."

"Oh... right," said Akushi as he picked up his travel sized associate by the armpits and set her down at his left He slowly stood up and turned to his colleagues with a tired smile. He walked past Yoga. "You should do something about that posture. It'll catch up one day."

"Fuck off."

"You of all people," said Renji, uncharacteristically outspoken. "Have no right to criticize."

With no detectable emotion on his face, the tired young man slightly shifted his head and glanced at his peer for a few moments. Seconds later, he shot him a heartfelt smile and chuckled.

"I'll take that as a compliment," he said. "From the Noble Demon of Academy City's under belly."

Renji stoically stared back for a few seconds then looked to the side.

Continuing where he left off, Akushi walked past Danjo and patted him on the shoulder.

"And your assistance was very much appreciated Miyazawa-kun, however despondent I've been."

"Happy to be of service," the flamboyant man responded jubilantly.

Akushi finally stopped in front of Jazz. Standing, three heads taller, he looked down at the purple haired, feminine looking munchkin.

"But once again," he said. "I cannot stress enough my gratitude for the young Jazz. Without you, none of this could have happened." He patted them on the head. "Good job kiddo. Papa's proud. But I should have expected as much from a member of the most distinguished-"

But the young Jazz stepped back.

"...You're not my father…" they mumbled.

"Ooooffff course not. Anyway," Akushi walked over to edge of the cramped room. "The gang's all here. I'm assuming you all brought your 'books'?"

"Buddy," Yoga said turning slightly to the side. "You see these backpacks on our backs, right?"

"I suppose I do…" Akushi yawned.

"Anyway…Oina, come." The midget jubilantly skipped over to her caller's side.

"Coming papa~~" she said.

"Wait," said Yoga. "Let me get some eatums."

"Seriously?" said Danjo. "You fucking freeloader."

"Baby's gotta eat."

"Ugh…"

"Meh," said Akushi. "Why not. In fact, let's all take a trip. My treat."

Minutes later, Danjo looked utterly defeated. "Now when you said "Let's take a trip,"," he said. "I didn't think you meant to your dusty ass fridge…"

Yoga held a donut towards him but Danjo waved his hand and smiled.

"More for me," he said as he pillaged the fridge of mostly condiments and sugar.

The dirty ass kitchen was dirty as fuck. Conveniently, it was only lit by the open refrigerator. Meaning I don't gotta say shit about what it looks like.

Flies buzzed around here and there. As she stood on his feet held up by his hands, Oino arced her head up to her sensei.

"How come I didn't get a head pat?" she asked with a pout.

And with a most sincere smile, he said...

"Because you were born by accident."

"Waaaaaahh~~~"

Jazz observed from the counter slightly disturbed.

"... You two need medical help," they said.

Akushi responded without looking back.

"Look who's talking…"

He trailed off. His head bobbed in a few directions and turned towards the fridge.

"Come on, Yoga. We don't have time for you to cook a meal. Hurry up so we can leave. And turn the gas off. That's a serious safety hazard."

With dried toast in his mouth and several plastic bags of donuts in his arms, Yoga turned around.

"Hmf?" he "said."

Acting as a translator, Danjo spoke up.

"Yoga says he was at the fridge the whole time and I can attest."

"Hmm," said Jazz. "And me and Renji were at the exit the entire time. Perhaps you simply left it on and forgot about it?"

"This is literally my third time in here," said Akushi. "And I haven't been here all day."

The humming of flies filled the room for what seemed to be hours. The hooded Renji broke the silence as he walked over to the stove. Slowly, cautiously, he extended his arm towards the gas switch. However, something peculiar came to his attention. The black translucent window on the stove's door was filled with what appeared to be several napkins.

He flicked the switch off and grabbed the handle. While stepping back, he slowly pulled down the door. And then... All over the interior. Several of them overlapped with each other but a strange symbol was the only other thing consistently visible.

"What's this…?" said Danjo as he leaned towards the stove. "Are those...playing cards?"

"Okay," said Yoga as he returned to the refrigerator. "I'm confiscating all your beer and you can't stop me."

At the center of the oven was a smart phone. Renji slowly picked it up observed it. With his thumb, he held down the power button. Even though the screen was still black, it became lit, adding a whole new corner of light. However, instead of being greeted by a typical welcoming jingle, the screen remained black for longer than usual.

"Wait," said Jazz. "Wait, wait... I've seen those before…" The androgynous adolescent turned around. "Akushi…!"

Despite Oino squeezing his lower thigh and looming sense of dread caving in on him, Akushi still managed to smile.

"Heh…" he chuckled. "Heh, heh, heh…Guys…"

With the smell of gas strongly penetrating the room and the sound of flies filling the air, all of the college boy's peers turned to him with uncertainty written across their faces. The phone's screen finally showed something else. But it was only one item. A message written in white text. "B-) 3 T.M." At the same time, Akushi broke out in a cold sweat.

And with a most sincere smile, he said…

"...We fucked up…"

Renji must have caught on too because he dropped the phone and tackled Jazz onto the floor. However, that could not save him or the others from the hellish explosion that splashed upon them.

On a rooftop far from the burning abandoned apartment, the blonde, sunglasses wearing Tsuchimikado Motoharu held a smart phone with a static filled screen. He dropped it and then aggressively stomped on it. With a single hand, he pushed a pair of binoculars to his eyes and titlef his sunglasses up to his forehead. He saw the pitiful building engulfed in what appeared to be a skinny giant made of flames from a tenth story window up. An inconsistent torso spilled out from it and slowly spread up and down, which melted the framework as easily as a block of cheese thrown in a microwave.

Tsuchimikado stuffed the binoculars in the inner pocket of his black school uniform.

"Well," he casually said with a smile. "That takes care of that."

Next to him, a two meter tall, red haired boy with a barcode tattooed under his right eye reached inside the interior pocket of his black cloak. He pulled pulled out a pack of cigarettes.

"Just leave Innocentius on standby for a few more minutes and then we'll call it a night, Styl."

With his right index and middle finger, Styl Magnus stuck a cigarette in his mouth. He held a lighter close to it with the other. He hid it behind his palm and tried several times to light a fuse to no avail.

"You don't have to tell me twice," he said. "Innocentius is more than enough to decimate a few hacks who think they're top shit. No man can withstand its awesome might of 3000 degrees Celsius."

"Ohhh, I wouldn't be so sure."

Styl finally lit a fuse.

"Shut your face," he bitterly said.

A curvaceous, beautiful young woman who wore a vest with the jean jacket missing the right sleeve and a pair of jeans missing the left pant leg cut off up to her hip spoke up. Despite being tied in a bun, her black hair still ran down to her upper thighs.

"I might not be entirely versed in these matters," she said. "But I do believe that it would take proficient skill in order to extract the kind of information they gathered." .

"Well," Tsuchimikado said while reaching into his other pocket to pull out a walkie talkie. "You're not wrong. Most servers can't trace the origins of overlay network because of the abundance of networks layered on top of each other. But this is Academy City: the forefront of science. They didn't get this far only to be beaten by some schmuck who thinks they're Edward Snowden."

"Still," said a blonde haired, blue eyed, brown suited English man. "One would assume a resident of said city would know better than anyone the frivolity of undergoing this kind of mission. The Board of Directors, I assume, would stop at nothing to protect their secrets from potential threats. And that would be short of poisoning the water supply of a major country just to take attention away from themselves. Even without the outside help, Academy City is a top competitor for the weapon's market and has the armed forces of Anti-Skill and the esper powered Judgement. So...what on Earth possessed these young adults to take on such a Herculean task?"

Tsuchimikado spoke into a palm sized walkie talkie held in front of his mouth. He held down a button on the side with his thumb.

*BZZZSHHT!*

"Prepare for liftoff, lickity split. Over."

*BZZZSHHT!*

A girl nearing high school replied in a monotone.

*BZZZSHHT!*

"'Confirmed,' says Misaka dutifully. Misaka and the Misaka Brigade will maintain stationary for five more minutes before performing a routine sweep of the perimeter. 'Over,' says Misaka, always wanting to say that…"

With a concerned brow, Tsuchimikado arced his neck towards the sky.

"What was the point of using code if she was just going to bluntly say our plans?"

Kanzaki spoke into a pink turned off flip phone.

"Tatemiya. As soon as Innocentius disperses, motion Orwill to spray the area. Then lead the Amakusas on a manual search.

"Per your command," a man replied through the inert phone. "Most esteemed Priestess."

Kanzaki dropped her arm and sighed. Next, what seemed to be a blonde elementary school girl wearing a white gothic chic outfit spoke up.

"Age has nothing to do with it, but it's precisely the young that feel most tempted to prove themselves through outlandish displays of confidence, as a certain spiky haired teen aged dork can attest to. However, if you look down on someone for stupid reasons such as age or social standing, then you'll surely be defeated by a power you yourself have yet to prepare for. That being said, Knight Leader, allow me to offer a counter point. Judging by the fact that they acquired such top secret information weeks before detection, they're obviously far from the ordinary. It isn't necessary that to be stronger than your opponent defeat them. Rather you just have to be competent enough to compete. That is where you can begin to make bargains for victory.

"Paradoxically, at some point or another, they must have been made aware that they were under surveillance, and that's a definite according to the files they read I'm guessing. Academy City would undoubtedly have some sort of, I don't know, massive surveillance system operating at all hours of the day, at the bare minimum in order to add to their status as the leaders in the science industry. And Academy City residents aren't allowed to leave unless given permission by some authority. So it was a given that they were being monitored both physically and virtually. The amount of advanced weaponry, highly trained soldiers, living weapons, and even tactical minds in this have you ever considered that maybe they undertook such a dangerous mission because it falls under their skill set?

"These aren't your typical street thugs or one note movie villains. These individuals were collectively powerful enough to bargain with the leaders of the science side on their own. If you look at this cockeyed, you're going to put the entire eastern hemisphere in jeopardy."

"What about the west?" asked Tsuchimikado.

"Please, you lame surfer boy. We're not so weak that we need some egotistical nerds to coddle us. And we'd never let someone hijack our cookies."

In the distance, several explosions went off at various intervals, destroying windows and random sections of poor Abandoned Apartment-chan. They must have been ovens, radiators and the like. The group was showed in an orange light for several seconds but didn't seemed phases by the free light show.

"Vortex," Tsuchimikado said with a stoic face. "Which led to the Abicus incident a few weeks ago, which we still haven't recovered from."

"..."

"You honestly didn't know that, did you? Gee, for someone so sure of themselves, you got a knack for missing out on important details. That's gonna bite you in that flat ass one of these days."

Tsuchimikado chained his fingers behind his head and rested it against his palms. "And boy, he sure does hate arrogant people. Especially the ones who think they can say whatever they want. I can picture it now. 'Stop living your life wrong dumbass, I will shatter that illusion! Teriyaaaaahhh~~!' Ungf!"

Tsuchimikado was assaulted on the back of the skull by the tiny fist of the well dressed little girl.

"Friendly reminder," she said with a rightfully confident smile. "Some say I am every bit as powerful as a Saint. Give the word and I can send you flying towards the East Sea at mach speeds."

"You should be careful Birdway. I'm a sucker for the abusive types and I know you're saving yourself for a certain-blarrrrgh."

At the same time, Leivinia Birdway and Kanzaki dropped their fists atop of Tsuchmikado's swelled head. He fell back with a thud.

"That's enough," said Knight Leader. "This isn't playground time at the day center. And I'm not your babysitter Mark Space. This is a covert ops mission and a joint venture between a select few of the magic and science sides. Should word ever spread that top secret information was leaked, riots could break out across the city."

In the distance, the giant humanoid flame Innocentius closed its four eyes and slowly began to kneel so to speak. At the same time, it shrunk. The roaring of the sporadic flames got lower with every passing second. The already crummy abandoned apartment looked bumpy, distorted and discolored in several places much like an toy on the business end of a magnifying glass on a sadistic summer day. A stream of water spiraled above the apartment and shot into the origin of the first explosion.

One would think it was to cool the building from the 3000 degree Celsius bath it just took, but it was actually to make the bioelectronic scan easier for the Misakas since water is a conductor for electricity.

*BZZZSHHT!*

"'The Misakas will now begin the bioelectric scan across the designated perimeter,' says Misaka."

"Not only that," said Tsuchimikado as he rubbed the top of his head. "The scale of things could flood the security systems and spread Anti-Skill and Judgement so thin that we'd be left open to attack or exploitation from anybody seeking to profit off of or take control of the city's assets in its dwindling state. Hell, I can think of five nations that'd love to repeat another Hiroshima or Nagasaki just bring the world to a level of management that they could handle, like you blimey Brits and your lousy tea nyaah~~. It'd be a civil war inviting an invasion for a threesome with global domination and even nuclear warfare just to spice things up. But despite this being mostly a science side issue, you can't relax either, can you?"

"Of course not young man. This isn't just a science side issue. The ramifications of the decisions behind these neanderthals could irrevocably…"

Without warning, a lavender ish white light blinded the group. They all reflexively cried and shielded their eyes except for Tsuchimikado who pushed his sunglasses against his face. After the light died, he turned to face Birdway.

"And you said I was lame," he as he brought the walkie talkie back to his mouth.

*BZZZSHHT!*

"Ahem...what the fuck was that?"

*BZZZSHHT!* *BZZZSHHT!*

"'It would appear to be some sort of lavender ish white light,' says Misaka making a most astute observation."

*BZZZSHHT!*

"Did you get that from the No Shit Sherlock Shop? I meant what is it really."

*BZZZSHHT!*

"'Does Misaka sound like mother fucking Albert Einstein to you?' asks Misaka, disliking the pressure to know things she cannot possibly kno-"

The bright light made a comeback, shining stronger than before. This time Tsuchimikado was forced to cover his eyes as well. At the same time he felt a familiar sensation. It was an immense pressure, almost as if the gravity was suddenly increased a few gs.

"What on Earth was that?!" cried Kanzaki.

"Your cue," said Tsuchimikado as he pulled out a handgun. "Gear up and roll out."

Knight Leader extended right hand and what looked like a swarm of red clay crawled across his arm and formed a scaly sword. Kanzaki picked up Styl and held him bridal style and leapt several meters diagonally. At some point, a flower shaped wand appeared in Leivinia's hand and she pursued Kanzaki. Knight Leader tucked Tsuchimikado in his under his arm and carried him like luggage. He landed on top of the charred and jagged building and ran towards the edge before halting.

He looked down to search for the most advantageous spot to land in case of a fight.

"...What the hell?" he whispered.

Tsuchimikado's eyes bulged behind his shades.

"It's gotta be a joke," he said. "This has to be some sort of sick joke…"

No less than ten seconds had past since Knight Leader landed. And yet. All over the pavement below, several bodies were sprawled all over the street and sidewalks. Knights, casually dressed teenagers, a middle aged spiky haired man in oversized clothes, and brown haired octuplets slept soundly on the cold pavement. Even the group just ahead of Tsuchimikado and Knight Leader were susceptible to this new sleeping bug, including the mighty William Orwell. Liters of blood and variously colored chunky fluids diverged from the heads of every single body.

And in the center of them all was a radiating lavender silhouette. It was shaped like a man but very skinny and tall, towering over Styl by about five heads. It had two triangular wings spanning about three meters. It appeared to be looking down onto its victims, basking in the moment of its overwhelming victory. But the moment after Knight Leader spoke, it turned its head towards their direction. Its white rectangular pixel eyes stared at them menacingly.

"Ug…!" Knight Leader hopped back several meters and released Tsuchimikado, who rolled across from him. Before the latter could even stand up, the "man" had floated atop the edge of the jagged apartment. Tsuchimikado and Knight Leader aimed their weapons at the "man" but it didn't do anything. It just floated in place, menacingly. Without delay, Tsuchimikado fired several rounds aimed at the target's head, sending rocking in several directions.

It slowly turned faced forward, revealing glowing holes in its face.

"So," the blonde teenager said with a smile. "Looks like he's not immune to a simple firearm."

"Indeed," said Knight Leader. "I can only imagine how he'd fare against my not so ordinary arms."

"Don't do puns."

"Fuck off, that was clever."

He swung his arm towards the floor, however it was sliced several times. A block of hardened concrete floated in front of him for about a second. Then, he held his sword with the flat end facing forward and swung it hard. With a loud thud, the slab of rock darted towards the lavender "man". Surprisingly, it spun its body at the last second.

But the concrete still penetrated part of its upper right shoulder and the side of its cheek. With the sound of glass shattering, a portion of its chest was obliterated along with its shoulder. It continued to spin in place as Knight Leader closed the gap between them in less than a second. Right before approaching it, he leapt and held his sword back. With blistering speed and precision, he effortlessly sliced through its left wing and towards the exposed neck.

Knight Leader gilded right the "man" and towards the building opposite. And he smashed into the edge of it face first, falling twelve stories towards the sidewalk. A loud thud made Tsuchimikado flinch. The young man couldn't even move. He was simply too baffled. He just stared at the spinning lavender silhouette with his eyes wide and his lips parted.

"What...the...fuck?" he said, asking the right kinds of questions. The purple "man" finally slowly stopped spinning. When it finally stopped, it faced Tsuchimikado with its head unnaturally titled down, as if its neck had to stretch to compensate. It slowly raised its head to eye its next prey.

"...I'm out."

Tsuchimikado squatted down in preparation to jump. However, he found his legs locked in place.

"The hell…?" he whispered as the world tilted diagonally. His chin slammed against the jagged pavement and a sharp pain shot up to his temple. In the fall, he pinned his left arm from the elbow facing up, bending his arm in the wrong direction with a painful crack. His right arm slammed against the floor, sending his gun bouncing just out of reach. All thoughts came to a halt. None of his self preservation instincts came into play. He just laid there like a toy carelessly discarded by a bored child. And the "child" was closing in on him. His vision grew hazy and he released a bloody cough and vomited. All he could do was watch as the purple "man" leisurely made his way. And in his failing vision, he saw something. It was an all to familiar site. Even in the most scientifically advanced city in the world, it should not have been possible. At least, not at this point in time. Something that shouldn't have existed spun around in that purple "man's" broken skull. And in a purple light, all of its wounds were healed. He could have reached his gun if he crawled, but instead with his only useful arm Tsuchimikado struggled to push himself onto his back. He exhaled several times. The lingering taste of iron and his liquified dinner along with the burning sensation of his lips made it hard for him to breathe, let alone talk. Despite this, he practically dragged his arm to the inside of his vest and pulled out the walkie talkie. With his thumb, he flicked the switch on its side to change the frequency. He exhaled and forced the incoming barf as tears slid down his cheek.

*BZZZSHHT!*

"Hey... Einstein," he choked out.

"P...plan...B…"

*BZZZSHHT!*

After that his arm went limp. It dropped and the walkie talkie slid away. A lavender light filled his vision. That thing had finally arrived. But despite the circumstances, Tsuchimikado smiled with all his heart. .

"Clench those teeth, l-lavender-nyan." That thing slowly knelt down, revealing two white eyes. "Your entire w-world is...about to shatter…"

And then, he saw something else. It was the absolute last thing he would have ever wanted to see. His eyes were forced open as he was thrown into a world of white.

A few flies still swarmed the destroyed apartment room. Or more specifically, they flew into it. A few flew around the unconscious bodies scattered on the pavement. Several loitered around Tsuchimikado's still body.

In a mountainous area, Akushi held a cellphone with multiple screens of the scene from several angles. He pressed the power button with his thumb and stuffed it into his pocket. He turned to his colleagues.

"Well shit," he said. "Looks like we're terrorists boys."

"Domestic terrorists technically," said Jazz.

"Chiiii~yah," said Yoga. "Let's skip town and change our names just like they do in the movies! Steal a getaway car and hit the road while getting into whacky and relatable hijinks until we realize that friendship is the real adventure!"

"Oooh, oooh!" said Danjo. "Can I do disguises? Too late, already called it."

"As if anybody else would have," said Renji from afar.

Oino squeezed Akushi's leg.

"I'm getting coooooold," she said puffing her cheeks and cutely frowning.

"Welp," said Akushi. "Ya shoulda brought a jacket ya stupid fucking bitch."

"HaaaaAAAAAAAA-"

"I'll deliver on that get away car though. Jazz, get out the keys."

From their pocket, Jazz pulled out an eight ball styled cube and pressed a few buttons on a side. They set it on the grass and stepped back. A rift opened up above it, leading to what appeared to be just another part of the city. But upon closer inspection, it was very low tech. Relatively speaking.

The group stepped into the wormhole one at a time. When they arrived, they were overwhelmed by how primitive this area was. Their gazes were ones of astonish and awe. Akushi took a deep breath and exhaled with accomplishment.

"Well gang," he said with a content grin. "Welcome to Z-City."

In the ruins of the abandoned apartment, the computer somehow survived, if barely. The monitor was bent several areas and the bottom right hand corner was in completely chipped off, discoloring a portion of the screen. However, it flickered. It gritted its teeth as it fought a clearly losing battle. A spark followed by a loud crackle came from the right hand corner. There was a window that was dragged part way to that corner.

The bottom was mostly missing, but the name of the window was clearly legible. The screen inconsistently blinked a more few times. Some flies surrounded the text. Like criminal masterminds, they rubbed the tips of their front legs together as they stood above the name.

And as clear as day, it said:

Kamijou Touma.

Then the screen faded into black.

In another time, in another place. The ruins of a once great...a once okay city casually dressed the landscape. There were random indistinguishable organs and splattered blood here and there but there was total stillness. No life, no sound. Just the ambience of desolation. It looked like the aftermath of a terrible tornado.

The sound of a massive building crumbling echoed across the city for miles. Followed by the howling of lightning. On one side of the city, a middle school girl with short brown hair, a beige blazer, and a gray skirt heavily panted. It didn't help that her brown dress shoes didn't provide the necessary foot support for running. But just about every part of her body, even down her black socks, was covered in red and purple scraps and gashes.

She jogged around the corner of a long empty business building, she stopped and groaned. She fell to the wall on her left and squeezed her lower abdomen, but that did nothing to stop the bleeding or the pain. She writhed while sweat spilled down her forehead. Despite this, the sound of something being ripped from the ground caught her attention. She swung her head around and saw an unrooted tree flying in a straight line at some 40 kilometers per hour.

The middle school girl whipped her right arm diagonally and a thick line of electricity altered its course. The upper half of tree was lit and spun several times as it crashed into another building. Blue sparks crackled around her bangs. She noticed a dark spot on the ground about three feet in front of her. Her pupils dilated for a moment and she swung her head up.

*FWISH!* *FWISH!* *FWISH!*

Several cars that were dyed a teal light dropped from the sky like meteors. All around her, they crashed into the street and lit the scene in an orange display of fireworks. Yet by the time the smoke cleared, she was already just over 700 meters away, wrapped in the arms of a petite pigtailed girl who wore the same uniform. They both panted for a few seconds but the next moment, they disappeared from sight before a billboard destroyed the top of the building they previously stood.

The girls teleported from apartment to street light to evade their predator. However, as soon as they stepped on top of a telephone pole, it suddenly rose, which sent the two in tailspin towards the sidewalk three meters below. As short haired one hugged her friend tightly with her right arm, she swung her left at the brick apartment in front of her. Blue sparks protruded from it and dragged it. She put a foot out to cushion the impact and bent her leg as she magnetically stuck to the wall.

She noticed an even larger shadow casted over her so she looked up. The bright blue sky and the brilliant sun were not covered by clouds. Instead, several cars, fragmented buildings, restaurant signs, and any and every piece of the city scenery dangled several miles overhead them, covered in a teal hue. She could barely make it out, but in the center was a tiny body in crucifix like position that immited the same color.

It swung an arm and launched a red car at speed so fast, it caused a shockwave. The school girls teleported to another building in front of them, then several meters into the air at a diagonal angle. They teleported to another rooftop and continued to move forward in random directions. During one interval, Short Hair cupped a silver game token between her thumb and index finger. She aimed her arm at the sky and flicked the coin.

Sparks surrounded her person as the worthless currency was engulfed in an orange light and propelled and five times the speed of sound. It ripped through the air and penetrated an orange sports car next to the short teal figure. It turned to the side and let out a light gasp before being surrounded by a black and orange cloud. That first explosion set off a chain reaction as every other car that floated nearby also exploded. In a fantastic and loud displayed, the sky roared several times with a nearby skyscraper caught in the crossfire.

The dynamic duo continued their irregular path.

"Kuroko," said Short Hair. "We can't keep this up. We're both at the end of our ropes. We have to regroup with the others and work out some sort of strategy."

"That's a negative Sissy," Kuroko replied. "They have their own battles to attend to. And if you of all people ended up this badly injured, bringing that monster over to them will surely end badly for all of us. We'd be lucky if-"

A car crashed just a few meters away from Kuroko and her aly. The shockwave from the explosion undid their grip and the two spun through the air in opposite directions. Kuroko landed somewhere covered by a thick cloud of dust. Her tiny body slammed against the street face first, which raised her lower abdomen and legs and put her in a shape similar to a scorpion's stinger in attack mode. She slid about two feet against the scratchy street and her knees hit the ground with a crack.

Despite that, through sheer will power, she steadily pushed herself up and used a nearby street light to help herself stand. She opened her mouth to scream but stopped herself. Instead Kuroko turned around and imagined the direction where her friend was launched.

*FWISH!* *FWISH!* *FWISH!*

She teleported to where she visualized where her dear friend landed and her eyes desperately darted in their sockets. Then finally, about 180 meters away, she spotted those familiar brown bangs slowly pushing herself up. Kuroko teleported once but upon the second interval between her second jump, she hear the shattering of stone from afar. She looked over to her right and saw the top of some sort of business building blown to bits. In the next interval, she noticed a massive skyscraper with a pointy tip raised into the air. She shifted her focus back to her struggling friend.

(A smokescreen?!) she thought.

Anticipating what to come, her heartbeat raised tenfold. With every jump, she teleported to the upper limits of her range. And just when she was within reach of her dear friend, she suddenly stopped. Something seemingly pulled her to the ground and she fell on her cheek.

"What the…?" she whispered to herself. She got up on her right foot but her left leg seemed to be stuck in place. "...No...nonononononononono…" As she repeated her chant, she turned around as much as she didn't want. She wanted desperately for it to not be true but that was simply beyond her power. From the ankle down, her foot was stuck inside the street.

She found herself unable to think properly. She tugged on her leg with both arms as the tears poured down her cheeks. Her nails dug so deep into her slender thigh, it bled a little. Once more she looked back at her dear friend. And at the same time, she returned the glance.

"Sissy!" Kuroko yelled.

She did not reply to the nickname she had affectionately accepted. All she did was smile. It was the sort of wholesome smile you gave someone who's done you many a favor and always stood by your side. It was the sort of smile you gave a dear friend you'd never see again.

The skyscraper parted the dust clouds.

Words were not needed.

With her face alone, the short haired girl said…

"...Thank you. For everything."

With a lump in her throat, Kuroko futility reached out her right hand, and blocked her own vision.

"MISAKAAAAAAA-"

But despite her cries, her friend disappeared in gray fog of destruction.

The roar of the explosion lasted about thirty seconds, but to Kuroko Shirai, lasted an eternity. Her hand went limp and fell.

"...No...nononono." Her voice cracked as she she fell to her palms. Her head hung low in utter defeat. "Nonononononononoooooooooo..."


	2. Chapter 1

Inside a bathtub, a spiky black haired teenaged boy slept solemnly. He was an unremarkable boy in almost every noticeable way. Amidst the city of students of mass destruction, he was blessed with the misfortune of being ranked at the very bottom of the power scale. A Level 0, cursed to take a seat on the bench as the pride and joy of the science side took the center stage. Yet, that boy had long made peace with that misfortune. Despite the peculiar circumstances he found himself in daily, he still managed to cut out a little slice of comfort that he could call his own and truly be proud of.

The boy's name was Kamijou Touma, age 16. Unlike most days where he woken up with a crank on his neck, he had on a peaceful smile. Yes, the most unlucky person in a city of 2.3 million people slept with the comfort of a well fed baby who played all day. Like some Disney movie, a ray of light bounced off his closed eyes. He squinted but slowly, he opened them and with no problem whatsoever, Kamijou the Pretty Princess had finally awoken.

He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, still with a smile on his face. He raised his arms and stretched his back with a light groan. He let his arms fall to his lap as he stared forward with a daze.

"Oh man," he said. "What a good night of sleep. That has the be the greatest 8 hours of my life. My body feels lighter than a feather and I'm so refreshed even though I haven't had breakfast yet." Kamijou clenched his fist. "I feel like a new man!"

Then he felt a strong jolt in the back of his skull. Like a ninja from some anime, he shifted his head to the side with a serious look. He extended his right arm and karate chopped the top of the alarm clock that sat atop the side of the bathtub the very microsecond it rung.

"And I've defeated the evil alarm clock warlord before his routine sneak attack?! Just what the heck is going on here?!"

(Now calm down Kamijou-san,) he thought. (If TV has taught me anything, it's that big tits are a marketing scheme in order to subconsciously control the masses into becoming tax frauds. I mean, come on! I know breasts are supposed to provide essential nutrients for babies, but after a while, don't they just get in the way?!)

"Wait, why am I thinking about breasts?"

(Why _shouldn't_ I be thinking about breasts?)

"Hmmmm…"

(Hmmmm…)

Kamijou the Schizophrenic Champion battled his inner demon for a few moments as he held his chin with his thumb and index finger.

"Wait a minute! Haha, nice try fate, you rat bastard! Tricking me into a false sense of security and then utterly dashing any hopes of happiness with the harshness of reality! But I already know my chastity is safeguarded thanks to my _terrible luck with women,_ thus preserving my purity for at least the entirety of my young adult life! You won't catch me off guard this time! Kamijou Touma will remain a virgin for the unforeseeable future and he's perfectly okay with that! Hahahahahaha!"

After crying for twelve minutes, Kamijou the Virgin Master stepped into the living quarters of his dorm, already cleaned up and dressed in his black school uniform with a white hoodie under the vest looking fresher than a mother fucker. In a rare display, he gallantly walked over to the refrigerator and his eyes very nervously scanned the floor for any potentially hazardous materials. He opened the fridge and jumped back with a gasp.

"I-impossible!" he said. "Do my eyes deceive me? Is this really all a dream?" He rubbed his eyes, pinched himself, and threw a cup of cold water from the sink on his face to be sure, yet there he stood as conscious and (mostly) sane as ever. "No, it's real! It's really real! And I'm only mildly schizophrenic this morning so it must be real!" As tears of joy welled up in his eyes, Kamijou the Dream Maker clenched his fist and looked to the ceiling. " _The fridge is 2/5 full!_ That's enough for a complete breakfast!"

A high pitched voice squealed from the bed just some three meters over. A body ruffled in the sheets of Kamijou the Rooster Booster's bed. He quickly covered his mouth and gawked at the slender, light skinned, silver haired girl in a long sleeved white polo shirt slowly sit up and rub her eye with one hand. The shirt was unbuttoned and the the collar slid past her shoulder so even though she wore nothing else but a white tank top and silk panties, there was still a certain level of danger within the premises.

She yawned and revealed an almost non-existent cleavage.

"Tou...ma?" she said groggily.

"I-I-Index?!" Kamijou the Anti-Sandman cried.

(Oh no… the bottomless pit stuffed into a bite sized fast metabolism has awoken… In no time at all, the once oasis of a refrigerator will be blown away into nothing but a barren wasteland by the tornado of her insatiable appetite! And I forgot to stock up on groceries last week!)

Kamijou the Ditzy Lyricist envisioned a tiny pink ball shaped version of Index with her mouth opened to monstrous proportions and suck up the contents of the fridge with himself dressed in a ridiculous red royal garb as he clung desperately to the door before being sucked up himself along with the fridge. The puffball Index was fattened up and laid on her back. She belched out a toonified star.

(There goes my dreams of a complete breakfast…)

Index stepped out of bed and walked towards the kitchen.

"Way to go, _Touma._ You woke me up in the middle of my beauty sleep. How am I supposed to maintain this radiantly beautiful skin if I don't get enough rest, hm?!"

"Eeep!"

Kamijou the Great Big Pussy put his arms up expecting his roommate to pounce on him but to his surprise, she simply walked past him.

"Wait... what? Index…? Don't you want to bite Kamijou the Idiot Emperor as vengeance for disturbing your slumber."

"Meh... I'm too tired. I'll do it later if I care enough to remember…"

Even more surprising, she made a hard right towards the bathroom.

"Eh? Index, aren't you going to do your routinely futile sweep of the fridge?"

She grabbed the door handle and opened it adjar.

"I don't really feel that hungry. I'll just take a shower and have some waffles after you leave."

"... … … HUUUUUUUUUUUH?!"

Before she opened the door all the way, Kamijou the Nurse in Training slammed the door shut, grabbed Index by the shoulders, spun her around, and put his right palm on her forehead. She jumped a little.

"Eeeeeek!" Index squealed with red cheeks. "Touma?!"

"Index, did you come down with a fever? Are you absolutely sure you don't want to bite me?!"

"What kind of weirdo asks to be bitten?!"

"... You'd be surprised."

"What?!"

Drinking game. Take a shot every time Touma or Index say "What?" for the remainder of this story.

Kidding, you'll die before chapter 2.

In an effort to preserve her innocence, Touma opened the door, turned Index back around.

"Don't you have a shower to take? Those precious pores won't exfoliate themselves!"

"Why are you wet?"

"PROTECT THE YOOUUUTH! HAAAAAAA!"

After going beyond a normal Kamijou,Kamijou the Legendary Super Saiyan-jin shoved Index into the bathroom. He kept his head poked inside.

"Remember, the pink towel is yours and don't stay too long because you'll get wrinkles."

"Oh noooooo!"

"You be good now and the floaties are over there by the windows, just in case-"

Kamijou the Second Coming of Casanova shut the door before a pink towel smashed him in the face. With a smile, he walked to the fridge and before he could grab the handle, he swung his body around. He studied his dormitory as quickly and fastidiously as he could without wasting time. Despite the fact, there weren't any noticeable difference in the environment from five seconds earlier. Yet his heart rate was still several beats higher than normal.

As a person so often flung into the crossfire, Kamijou the Veteran had an uncanny ability to detect a dangerous atmosphere. He swallowed as sweat mixed with his wet face.

(Why do I feel like I'm being watched…?)

With his back facing the fridge, he slowly side stepped into the walkway leading to the living room section of the dorm. He tiptoed towards the center of the room and stopped. He squinted but relied more on his hearing and intuition to flush out the invisible threat.

(Could it be another magician after Index? Or... maybe it's somebody after me this time? Either way, they'd have to a plan to neutralize me first since I'd be the biggest threat. And the fact that they haven't blown up the patio or kicked down the door shows that they've gotta have a sneak attack. Meaning they either know about Imagine Breaker and decided to approach me with a direct attack, or, they just don't have that much fire power to begin with.)

Touma clenched his right fist, which made it harder than a rock.

(Are they already inside? Could they have phased through the walls and made themselves invisible like a ghost? Or…)

In mid thought, he felt a sharp prick on his ear. The pain jolted every nerve from his neck all the way down to his keg. He awkwardly arced his back and he clumsily stumbled backwards.

"Yeeeoowww!?"

He twirled and spun and eventually tripped over his sneakers. That sent him crashing down at lethal speeds...onto his cushiony mattress. He fumbled around and pleasured his former lover Mattress-kun. After a few seconds, common sense kicked in and he simply grabbed whatever clung to his right ear and yanked it off, almost along with the lobe itself.

"Arrrrrghaaaah!"

The pain lingered on, but he ignored the familiar sensation.

"The combination of this attack, the target, and the strategy can only be the work of one person…"

Held firmly in his hand was a fifteen centimeter blonde witch with an eye patch over her right eye.

"Human," she said with an authorization tone. "You've incurred my wrath for the final time."

"What did I do now?"

"You left me alone with that abomination for an entire night."

"Hey, I don't care if you are a _former_ Magic God. That's no way to talk about another house guest! When she's out of the shower, you owe Index an apology!"

"Not the Librarium Prohibitorum. I meant…" Othinus squeezed her wittle awrm and pointed to her left. " _That._ "

Kamijou the Dungeon Master shifted his gaze at the white calico cat with patches of brown and owned on its head and back. It was innocently licking its paw and only stopped after noticing the spotlight was on it. Its green eyes patiently waited for Touma to press the action button to continue the text.

"What, Sphynx? Did it get in your home last night?"

"Aaah...n-not exactly." For some reason, her cheeks turned bright pink and she fumbled with her fingers. "I attempted to squeeze into the bathroom because a spider crawled into my house-AHEM-to demand that you fetch me a drop of water to satiate my thirst for conquer. And on my way, that monstrosity took it upon itself to take advantage of my mobile position. It chased me around the room for eight minutes. I used Guerrilla tactics to keep myself hidden for short periods but it kept finding me. I eventually managed to distract it with some food crumbs and hid in the Prohibitorium's hair before it finally left me alone."

"That doesn't sound so bad. You outwitted your captor and even got your early morning exercise. Looks like a double win to me."

Othinus turned back around and placed her hands on her hips.

"...Are you implying that I need the exercise?"

"Everyone needs exercise."

"Don't change the subject."

"I'm not…?"

"You think I'm...as you lesser creatures are fond of saying... "packing the pounds," don't you?"

Touma exasperatedly squinted.

"You're fine," he said.

"T-that phrase has two meanings!"

"I don't have time for this filler scene. If you're that worried, I'll stay by your side. At least until I'm done with breakfast. Sphynx won't bother you then. And if you play nice with Index, you should be safe while I'm at school. My only concerned right now is getting there on time and enjoying my surprisingly good day before something inevitably messes it up."

"Really human? Are you that commited to blaming your misfortune on some immeasurable phenomenon instead of your own bad decision making?"

"Yes."

Then, a loud metallic thud reached them. Touma, Othinus, and Sphynx turned to the direction of noise: the patio. He then somersaulted behind the bed and Sphynx scurried next to him.

"What was that?" Kamijou said.

"Why ask when you can easily search for yourself? Although, if I had to guess, I'd say it's an assassin after any one of our lives. We're quite the celebrities these you... You who saves the girl who rewrote and destroyed the planet a few octononagintatracentrillion times..."

"You've officially reached the point where I've stopped listening." Touma held Othinus's back in front of Sphynx's mouth. "Hey Sphynx. Take Othinus and hide in one of the cupboards under the sink. Whatever happens, don't come out. Only leave if I'm beaten and even then, wait until after the bad guy leaves. Then go and find help find help. Zapper from Tokiwadai is a good choice. Chances are, if someone's after me or Index, there's a greater scope to their plans."

With its mouth, Sphynx happily grabbed Othinus by her cape.

"Meooooooow," said Sphynx (- very important).

"I have many complaints," said Othinus as she was carried away.

"Shut up and bare with it for now," said Kamijou the Swift and Concise.

(Odd...I had my guard mostly down for a while, but the would be assassin

When he stood up, he barely made out a large dark mass on the railing outside the patio. His eyes opened up a bit. "Wait... seriously?"

He jogged over to the glass sliding door and the mass slowly became more legible.

"You've got to be joking… Geez! Some assassin. Falling onto the railing like a clutz. You look like an idiot. I'll help you up then beat your ass and stuff you in the garbage like the trash you are."

But after Kamijou the Eco Teen slid open the door, his face losesend. He became engulfed in a debilitating fear so powerful that he was unable to move. Why? There wasn't any weapon that could instantly kill him with the proper aim. But a life was still in danger.

He couldn't believe it at first. The green track suit and blue hair in a ponytail were familiar. But he didn't even need to see the face. The peach skinned dark haired woman groaned as she raised her head. Her ample bosom was pushed uncomfortably from the railing as she held onto the bars under the railing in an awkward position?

"Son of a bitch," she complained.

"Huh? Ms. Aiho?!"

"Ah...oh shit…I mean..." Embarrassed, Ms. Yomikawa Aiho smiled despite being eight storeys from being a spaghetti dinner. "Hello there young man. What a nice day to hang out, am I right? Mind giving me a…"

And just like that, she lost her grip and slid off the railing.

"... hand?"


	3. Chapter 1P2

A skinny, pale, albino teenaged boy with shoulder length hair was fast asleep on a bed. He looked very comfortable if you ignored the constipated look on his face. He tossed about on his mattress and consistently failed to find a comfortable position. Drops of sweat skied down his cold-hearted forehead. Yes, I wrote "cold-hearted forehead" and you can't do shit to stop me bitch.

He curled up and after he spasmed like he busted a nut, he howled like he busted a nut. He jerked (LOL) himself up to a sitting position. The sound of his hot breath being expelled filled the room. This went on for some time before he grabbed a patch of hair on his temple. The throbbing in his skull was powerful enough to be felt through his skin.

"Son of a bitch," Accelerator said.

Oh, this ripped young lad is named Accelerator. Well, not named but called. Nobody seemed to know what his real name was and even he forgot it a very long time ago. I don't know who came up with it but somebody probably just threw it out there and since then, everyone else, including him, just rolled with it. It's kind of like how everyone called Eminem "Eminem" instead of Marshall Mathers because come on, who the fuck is going to take a "Marshall Mathers" seriously out here in these streets?

Oh, and he was also the strongest person in the city, but that's whatever.

Not Marshall. What's that fake ass chocolate boy lift anyway?

Nobody say shit because I'm not down to beef with Eminem. It's just jokes bro. I don't have the lyrical prowess or rap making software to fight against a diss track.

Accelerator heavily heaved.

"Well this is new," he said despite his awful appearance. "I don't think I've ever had an actual headache before... excluding that one time I was shot point blank in the forehead. Not sure if that one counts, though."

It counts.

"Shut up."

That skinny ass white bitch grabbed the four legged modern cane next to his bed and tried to stand up. To his behest, it was more arduous than normal. After he planted both feet on the floor, his upper body rocked forward and he had to rotate his free arm in large circles and take a step forward to prevent himself from falling. His spatial sense seemed distorted as if he had one too many drinks at the club, which would never, ever, happen. But then again, he experienced a phenomenon that shouldn't have happened in the first place so keep an open mind.

I wonder if Accelerator can redirect sexually transmitted diseases.

(Okay, what the hell is going on?) he asked himself. (I'm no gymnast but right now, I've got the grace of a wasted liberal arts major at a graduation party. I don't even drink, and I went to bed at 11:39. I guess it's about... about...uh...)

Accelerator's jaw suddenly loosened and his vision grew shaky and unfocused. He swung in place a little for a few seconds. With a low gasp, his red eyes opened up to their upper limit.

(Wait...did I just space out? When the hell does that ever happen? Did I...did I catch a flu or a stomach virus or something? Yomikawa's cooking doesn't quite have that "can't be beat" quality.)

For a few seconds, Accelerator stood still. He didn't space out this time, but he didn't verbalize his thoughts either. Rather, he took the time to process the absurdity of the thought he just entertained. Then he chuckled.

"Yeah," he said. Then he clenched his entire face so hard, veins became visible on his forehead. "Yeah fucking right!"

He hunched forward as if to cock his body in preparation for a deathly howl. He balled up his fist and squeezed it with every fiber of unadulterated malice, hatred and hormones he had in his wire framed body. He clenched his jaw so hard that a line of blood seeped out from the corner of his mouth. It was a pride thing, yes. But to say he was angry would have made it to the #1 spot of that year's Top Ten Understatements.

(I don't know who's doing this. I don't know _why_ they're doing this. I don't even care _how_ they're doing this. When I get my hands on the son of a bitch who thought it'd be smart to fuck with me, I'll rip them a new asshole so big, so _deep_ , it'll reach the southern ice caps and change the planet's rotational axis, turning this mudball into a testament of my Frozen, indiscriminate fury!)

Accelerator shut his eyes and took a deep breath for some seconds before he exhaled.

(Alright...calm down. Getting angry isn't going get me any closer to solving the problem. But it's a damn good motivator.)

He squinted. Then his pupils shifted to his cane.

(Wait a second… Something's not adding up. First off all, I've modified my cane in order to block any outside frequencies from interfering with my choker with a counter frequency of my own. And that was done in private. And...and…)

"Arghhh…"

Accelerator squeezed the side of his head again.

(My ability to manipulate vectors is dependent on my calculation speed, which is dependent on how much brain power I can use. I can alter anything the direction and magnitude of anything within the bounds of what I'm can consciously and subconsciously process.

Around his neck was an electrode styled choker with two wires hooked up to the back of his skull. On the front it, there was a tiny red light. Its presence seemed to take up the entire room.

(The Calculation Assistance Device connects my brain to The Misaka Network through a bioelectric wavelength. That helps me retain motor and verbal skills as and assists me in my calculations via matching wavelengths with the remaining the brains of the 9,970 clones. And this fucking migraine isn't doing me any favors. So that means…)

He pressed a button on the side of the electrode. With a strange sound, the red light turned green.

He turned around and almost tripped over his own feet but caught himself. He let go of his cane and grabbed the pillow with a single hand. With his free hand, he poked the long side of it with an index finger. He kept like that for a few seconds. His brow slightly tightened.

Seconds later, the pillow was sliced in an awkward N shaped pattern. He stared indifferently at the white rain. His eyebrows slightly tightened.

(It's just as I feared... That wasn't the pattern I was going for. I was trying to slice this pillow in a straight vertical straight line. For some reason, the accuracy of my calculations... has significantly gone down. That rules out any attempt at altering the contractions of the blood vessels in my brain. Wouldn't want to accidentally pop one. Or all of them.)

He switched the button off and stared at the floor. He began to pace back and forth.

(But how is this even possible? My passive vector calculations should prevent me from succumbing to any obtrusions in blood flow in the first place. And I've never gotten sick a day in my life so I've probably been subconsciously blocking any pathogenic agents from entering my body. That can only mean that this is the result of an outside interference.

(But who? If it was somebody from the remnants of the Dark Side, they'd have no way of tracking my location since the cane blocks out any interfering signals. And because of that, they can't create a counter frequency since they can't analyze the cane's properties from a distance. I'm basically incognito. Unless we're talking about that bastard angel who can just pop into my mind any time he wants, but there'd be no purpose to that since I'm being used. And as far as I can tell, he can't manipulate technology from a distance.)

Accelerator stopped in place. He chuckled and a sadistic smile crept on to his face.

(So the only possible conclusion is that somebody is actively out to get me. Somehow or other, my abilities are throwing a wrench into their plans. But it's not like I just decided today would be a good day to go take on the town like some tourist. There's no reason somebody would want me out the picture unless they had plans that would either A) specifically involve me or B)...)

His smile suddenly vanished. It felt like the room was spinning. All gravity disappeared. Every sensation, gone. The only thing Accelerator felt was the depthless void he had fallen into.

(They're planning on waning out the city's defenses, including the most powerful ESPers. Meaning _the entire city_ is under attack. And going about how they casually took some of my power, they likely have the means to pull it off too.)

He struggled, but he managed to make his way to the exit. Normally, he'd smile at the opportunity to punish those foolish enough to cross paths with him on a bad day. But, this time his face was neutral...No, that's not quite accurate. It was subtle, but on that pale demeanor, for once there was a hint of anxiety. The most powerful weapon in a city of weapons was worried.

(This is bigger than me...Than Academy City's #1 Level 5. This affects the lives of people who've come this far in spite of the relentless cesspool of garbage this shitty society's casually thrown at them. People who truly deserve the happiness that they've fought tooth and nail to attain. But this isn't a job for those people.

(No, this is a bloodbath, a throwback to those nightmarish days I can never wash myself clean of. So rest assured, I won't allow those people get caught up in the crossfire. I'll never be an angel on the throes of heaven. But today, I'll be the Devil that drags your bitch assess to the deepest, smoldering pits of hell. And we'll dance to

till the to the moon rises in that skyless garden.

With shaky legs and an uneven gait, Accelerator marched to the bedroom door. He placed a hand on the knob and squeezed it. The door opened.

(I can't afford to waste any time...I have to talk to Yoshikawa. She'll know what to make of my situation. And then…

The room was a dark, but he walked towards the light. The boy who was both yet neither crossed over, and he squinted.

(...I need my morning coffee.)


	4. Chapter 1P3

A delinquent in a brown tracksuit with dyed brown hair sat with his fingers clasped in front of his face. He wore some standard light blue jeans because that's just the kind of basic dude he was. Normally, he either had on that stupid fucking look all aimless high school dropouts have or was plagued by perpetual anxiety due to the dangerous company he kept. But in a rare display, he looked... annoyed.

"Takitsubo-chan," he said with clear impatience in his tone. "Tell me something…"

The Takitsubo he referred to, Takitsubo Rikou, a short, light skinned girl with shoulder length black hair, sat next to him on a red and orange couch. She wore an identical track suit but was instead was pink and she had the matching joggers to go along with it. Most importantly, she had big tits and that is a fundamental philosophical theme covered in this story

You'd do well to remember that factoid. Her second most noticeable attribute was her constant thousand yard stare. She looked either half asleep or like she had lost all faith in the advancement of humanity along with the will to go on due to the lack of a giant fiery death to cleanse us of our sins.

However, there was also a slightly annoyed expression on her face. However, she looked exactly as she normally didn't expect she had arched eyebrows. It looked more like she was pouting for attention.

"Yes, Hamazura?" she replied in a neutral tone despite her pissed off expression.

"Tell me something… This was supposed to be _our_ day, yes?"

"Yes."

"The day that the _two of us_ had planned in advance to spend together with no third parties, yes?"

"Yes."

"The day we cleared our schedules and informed all of our closest friends and other associates about so we wouldn't be bothered with any other obligations and truly enjoy each other's company, yes?"

"Yes."

"So tell me this, Takitsubo…" With a red face and tears running down his cheeks, Hamazura Shiage viciously stood up and pointed at the tiny brown haired girl in a shirt too long for her and the shorts too short for her who held a microphone. "WHY THE HELL ARE WE TAKING THESE MONEY GRUBBING FREELOADERS ON A FIELD TRIP?!"

THE SHORT BROWN HAIRED GIRL-oh my bad, caps lock. The short brown haired girl continued to sing. Her delicate middle school voice beautifully blended in with the lyrical masterpiece worthy of the finest aristocratic works of times old.

" Ass. Tit-ties. Ass and titties. Ass ass, titties titties, aaass and titties "

She bounced her exposed legs to the rhythm to the song as powerful as national anthem.

"Hey, now," said a woman with long brown hair who sat on Takitsubo's right. "'Freeloaders' is a little degrading. 'Escorts' sounds more dignified for someone with such pristine such as myself, don't you think?"

Takitsubo's eyes rolled over to Mugino's direction.

"You can escort yourself the fuck out of our date," she whispered..

"Can it, Mugino!" spat back Hamazura. "You made me pay for all of your little *open air quote* 'extracurriculars,' "close air quote* and fast food pit stops for the last three hours! And we ended up doing whatever _you_ wanted on _our_ date! And…!" Hamazura turned around and bit his thumb as more tears sprinted from his looking balls. His voice practically turned into a whimper. "And we won't even have enough money for the after show...bwahahahaaa!"

Mugino Shizuri was sipping some soda from a bottle but she set it down on the armrest.

"Wait," she said as she turned to Hamazura with a raised eyebrow. "'After show?'"

Even Takitsubo squinted and turned to her boyfriend.

"This is the first I'm hearing of this too, Hamazura dear."

Sweat poured down from his scalp like a hurricane.

"Are you part of some obscure boy band we don't want to know about?" asked Mugino with prying eyes. "Or is that a euphemism?"

"Uh... I…"

"'Uh-I'? That's a weird name for a band. Creative though. But answer my question. Just how far were you planning on taking this little *open air quote* _'hot date'?_ *close air quote*"

Takitsubo stared at the carpet for few seconds but then her jaw dropped and her cheeks lit up bright red. She covered them with her hands to avoid drawing attention to the fact but just drew more attention to herself in the process. She repeatedly shook her head and silently chanted "Heterosexual thoughts, go away."

"I-I-I never said it was a 'hot date'! Just a normal date! A perfectly normal, room temperature, practicing _CHRISTIAN_ date!"

Mugino and Takitsubo both stared at Hamazura with neutral expressions for a few seconds. Then Takitsubo crawled to a corner of the room and cried.

"Wow, Hamazura," said Mugino off handedly. "That's pathetic even for you."

"W-wait, Takitsubo sweety!" Hamazura said as he waved his hands as a sign of denial. "T-that was a ruse! So they'll go home once they think I ran out of money!"

Takitsubo looked up at Hamazura with a puffy, teary scowl.

"And now, you're _lying?!_ " she said in a rare display (getting a lot of those today, huh?) of passion. "What's happened to us?!" She then rolled up in a fetal position and continued to sob.

"N-nothing's happened to us!"

"Then where are we going?!"

"Nowhere!"

"But that does that say about our relationship?!"

"Knock it off with these trick questions!"

"Come on man," said Mugino. "How did you you two end up together when you don't even know how to talk to girl? Step the fuck up."

Hamazura threw her the death glare for a moment before he marched up to her and shoved his finger in her face.

"This is all your fault!" he shouted. "This was supposed to be _our_ _day!_ And then you and Kinuhata just casually crash our date because *mocking voice in tree, too, won* 'BUT HAMAZUUUUURAAA. WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO DO ALL DAY! WHAT'S THE POINT IN LIVING IF WE CAN'T HARASS YOU?!'"

"H-hey now," said Mugino who in a, drum roll, rare display of nervousness and retreat. "That's actually kind of mean."

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOUUUUUUU?!"

"And I don't sound like that…"

"I don't care what you sound like!"

"You can stop the yelling now. I'm right in front of you."

" Big booty bitches. That's where its gets. Come on hoe, let's get to the E-Z rest when I see ASS. And TITTIES. Ass and titties... "

"Then get the hell out! Nobody needs you!"

"Forgetting your place Hamazura…"

"My place?! I don't care if you are the fourth ranked Level 5! Why do I have to bow down to such a stuck up broad with tacky fashion sense anyway?!"

"Duck."

"Duck?!"

A bunch of hot, bright green balls of light appeared around Mugino. Suddenly, Hamazura shut up and stood still with a slack jaw. Takitsubo tackled him to the carpet from behind...

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

And the balls…

( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

Of light ej…

Stop right there pervert.

...ected right past him and vaporized the bright yellow wall in behind them. The paint was replaced by several glowing, smoking orange indentations. Hamazura and Takitsubo stared at the battle damage with contrasting expressions, that being "shook as fuck" and "couldn't give less of a fuck" respectively.

"What the hell Mugino!" said Hamazura as he turned to the strongest person in the room. "That could have seriously killed me! Who do you think I am, the Imagine Breaker guy?!"

"References only work when the audience is familiar with what you're talking about, Hamazura," said Mugino. "Communication is two way." Then she crossed her arms and looked away. "… And I told you to duck ahead of time."

"Yeah, but I was too shell shocked from…!"

Mugino suddenly looked at him with a crushed expression; her eyebrows protruded and curved and her jaw losesend. Hamazura paused.

"...You know what, nevermind."

"I was aiming around you, you know."

"May as well not have since those damages are coming out of our food and water bil-"

Kinuhata abruptly walked up to the wooden table half a meter behind her and fucking smashed it with her loli fist. It exploded into a brown dust and the fragments scattered all across the room. The other three turned to the sudden loli, although Hamazura was the only one that was startled.

"YOU KNOW," said Kinuhata Saiai, age 12. "IT'S SUPER RUDE TO TALK WHILE SOMEONE'S PERFORMING."

Nobody said anything. They all knew they were wrong, so there was no point in arguing. Kinuhata's frustrated tone and face were utterly pathetic, especially considering the triviality of subject matter. Yet, the trio were silenced by her words and from the bottom of their hearts, couldn't find it in themselves to retaliate. For the five seconds following, their expressions didn't even change. It was like she farted and they were so utterly repulsed by such behavior that they were too dumbfounded to respond.

Actually, no, that's entirely fucking wrong. Ignore that.

Kinuhata covered her eyes with her hands and let out an exasperated sigh as she rubbed them down her cheeks. She walked up to the tiny screen screen TV that sat atop a cabinet and poked the center of the screen. The playback options appeared and pause button turned into the play icon. There was also a red bar that shot through a red dot. She dragged the dot a few inches to the left and poked the play button.

She went back to where she stood and whipped her hair and began to bounce rhythmically again as she raised the mic to her mouth.

" If you a light skin bitch, that think you the shit " Hamazura stared at Mugino suspiciously. " I could buy you hoe, cuz bitch I'm rich. I see. Broke. Ass hoes. Broke. Ass hoes. Broke. Ass hoes. Broke. Ass hoes "

As Kinuhata repeated the verse, Mugino bitterly stared back at Hamazura with a hand on her hip. At this point, even Takitsubo glared at her with them dead ass eyes. That was the final straw and Mugino folded her arms and looked away with the drowned out sucking of her teeth.

" Hoes hoes hoes hoes, hoes hoes hoes hoes, hoes hoes hoes hoes... "

As the jungle jingle continued, Kinuhata remained silent. Hamazura looked at her with an unruffled expression. She let the hand that held the mic drop to her hip as Mugino also stared at her. Takitsubo was also nonplussed but she stared at the ceiling for some reason.

"You know," said Kinuhata. "I don't like this song anymore."


	5. Chapter 1P4

A middle school girl with short brown hair, a black striped skirt that extended to her thighs, and black socks-

You know what. Fuck it. I'm not doing another gratuitous, long winded description for the same character twice. It's Misaka Mikoto. She's the girl who got super fucking wrecked in the prologue. You know what she looks like. Only difference at this point, she wasn't battle damaged and she had a pair of white flowers on her right temple.

Anyway, under the dawn colored sky, she jubilantly jogged over to the entrance of a diamond shaped mall. She twirled around and leaned forward to as she held her hands behind her.

"Come on~~~" she playfully said. "I don't want to be late. All the best seats will be taken."

Footsteps leisurely grew closer to her.

"Yeah," said a certain someone dispassionately. "Somehow, I doubt that a cheap movie about a cartoon frog is gonna have a full house."

"It might. It's the first screening."

"Still can't believe you get excited by these kinds of things. We're gonna be the only ones in there over 6 who aren't parents."

"Hehe…"

Her guest arrived next to her.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing."

She grabbed his right hand.

"Let's hurry and get our tickets already...Touma."

She jogged and dragged the spiky haired boy with her to the Dianoid Mall.

"People are gonna look at us funny," Touma said exasperated.

"Let them," said Mikoto without hesitation.

Inside the movie theater, Mikoto and Touma took turns eating out of a single bucket of popcorn. Despite his complaints, the latter seemed invested in the film. Mikoto noticed in her peripheral. She didn't show it, but that made her happy. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it instead.

They reached into the bucket of popcorn at the same time and their hands touched. They stared at each other briefly then quickly looked away. With a shy smile, Touma scratched his cheek.

"After y-you," he nervously whispered.

Misaka on the other hand had a very red face and couldn't help but fiddle with her fingers.

"N-no," she said with timid smirk. "You go ahead. I insist."

She felt something tap her on the shoulder. Misaka turned to the direction it came from and a single popcorn was pressed against her lips. Touma's index finger lightly pushed it into her mouth. She let the sticky white mass sit on her tongue for a moment. She stared at Touma's warm smile all the while before she finally swallowed the popcorn.

Their eyes seemed to build a bridge into their thoughts. Even though she had been looking forward to this movie for some time now, she suddenly found herself occupied by his _dreamy_ sight.

At a Gekota theme park, Misaka dragged Touma to a shooting gallery. The objective was to throw the baseball at a any of the lined up bottles. Touma eagerly rotated his arm as he volunteer to win one of the several frog themed prizes for Mikoto.

In regular theme parks, the balls were slightly heavier than regular baseballs to make the game significantly more difficult, forcing the participants to either spend money on more turns or game tokens and also keeping the limited stock of prizes available for weeks at a time. But since Academy City likes to go the extra mile, the balls also had a small metal inside them and the shelves that held the bottles had a weak magnets inside them, altering the course of the balls ever so slightly.

Of course, being an electromaster, and the strongest one in the city at that, she immediately noticed a disturbance in the electromagnetic waves she unconsciously emitted. As Touma missed a shot he should have rightfully made, Mikoto smirked to herself. She handed the the vender a few game tokens put the ball in Touma's hand. She then pulled out a game token from her vest pocket and clenched it between her thumb and index finger. She aligned her arm parallel to the ground and squinted. Touma took many steps back and the vendor looked dumbfounded before he ducked to the side.

Mikoto flicked her fingers and an orange line obliterated half of the booth in an explosive roar. The vendor stood flabbergasted with his eyes fixed open to the extreme and his jaw that hung lower than reasonably. With her chest held high, she proudly pointed at the sole stuffed toddler sized cartoon frog. Touma peeked out from behind her with a smile and his hands over his ears. With the booth vendor and the capitalistic city in tears, Mikoto marched away with a radiant expression and Kamijou let out an exasperated sigh.

The lovely pair enjoyed banana and strawberry crepes on a park bench. They giggled and snorted and blushed. Amidst laughter, Mikoto extended her index finger and rubbed Kamijou's nose. The whipped cream was smoothy swiped and found itself into Mikoto's mouth. She had innocent smile and pink cheeks but she knew what she fucking did.

Touma blushed, smiled awkwardly, swallowed, and returned the favor. At first, Misaka didn't know how to respond so she simply sat there with her lips slightly perched. Then suddenly, her entire face turned bright red, she squeaked, covered her cheeks, turned away and wiggled her body for some reason. Confused, Touma attempted to console her but as soon as he got close, blue sparks shot out of Misaka's bangs and she thrusted her palm right into the center of Touma's chest. The impact launched him into the atmosphere as an orange trail. He glimmered in the sky and disappeared with a fading wail, and a *DING!* sound effect.

"Y-you're too close!" said Mikoto as she still looked away.

Mikoto sat cross-legged on a quilt as Touma, with a single bandaid on his left cheek, rested his head on her thighs. They admired the dawn colored sky in silence. Touma slightly arched his head. He chuckled and smirked before returning to his former position. Mikoto squinted and looked down.

"What?" she said.

"Nothing," Touma responded before he slowly closed his eyes and relaxed.

"It's never "nothing." So what's so funny?"

":)"

":("

"It's just… never, that I recall, have I seen you so selfish."

Blue sparks flared around Mikoto's bangs, which caused her hair to stand. She raised her clenched fist in a defensive manner.

":O What do you mean I'm "selfish?!""

But Touma simply raised his right hand and gently caressed her cheek. The electricity died out. Mikoto had a confused look.

"I meant that in a good way," Touma said with a somber smile. "You're one of the most powerful people in this city. But you never let it go to your head. You always put others first. Despite how easy it would be to look down I can't recall a single a time where you've ever made a decision out of pure selfishness.

Mikoto couldn't help but stare blankly. It were as if Touma suddenly spoke a foreign language. When she snapped to, she flinched and her face flushed a rosey peach. She slapped her cheeks and wiggled her upper body as if she a cold wind stroked her back.

"W-waaaaaaaah," she said. Sort of. "Just… just what the hell are you getting at you hedgehog haired bastard? Trying to sweet talk me so you can get a free lunch or something?!"

"... But I paid for lunch."

"That's not the poin-!"

Touma placed an index finger on Mikoto's lips.

"Well, that's _my_ point."

Mikoto removed Touma's hand and bitterly narrowed her eyes.

"What is? That I need to stop talking?"

Touma's eyes thinned. He slowly sat up and rubbed the top of Mikoto's head to her neck. The 3rd strongest Esper suddenly found her heart accelerating and unable to move.

"...Yeah," he whispered.

His face moved closer and he seemed to falling asleep. Mikoto swallowed as he seemed to be falling face first to her. But in a mere second, she accepted her fate. Her smooth lips loosened and hung flaccidly. She arched her jaw forward.

A warm sensation filled her chest.

 _This is happening…_ she thought. _This is_ really happening.

She slowly shut her eyes. The warm feeling soon spread to the rest of body. Despite the darkness she found herself caged in, she felt nothing of confusion or despair. She felt…

She felt right.

The wind roared, but she didn't feel the cold. Her face tingled. Her spine arced. Her fingers curled into a warm, firm surface. She lost herself in the comfortable embrace of darkness.

"Heeeheeeheheheheheeeeeee…Ohhhhh, Hedgehog-Bastard-sama... Why don't you show me how that right hand works?"

Of course, this was all just a fucking dream and Mikoto was just spasming in her fucking frog pajamas.

A petite young girl with brown hair angrily gnawed on her pillow on a bed across from Mikoto.

"WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Experience has taught Kuroko Shirai that she was not object of her roommate's fantasy.


	6. Chapter 1P5

Touma was at a loss for words.

Normally, his daily life consisted of various degrees of misfortune and calamity. Some days would go by where not one good thing would happen to him, outside of fulfilling his basic survival necessities, which might lean more towards neutral when you consider the sweet relief not doing so would offer. Truly, it was none other than a miracle of the creator that Touma Kamijou didn't need mental health therapy after all of the bullshit that's been tossed his way.

A savvy reader would have noticed an error in that last sentence.

By definition, Touma Kamijou was a subversion of good luck, or even average luck since we're on the topic. So. Mathematically. How can we describe the circumstances of the following scenario?

(...)

The ellipsis were totally unnecessary, but the point still stood.

(Nothing about this makes sense.)

Touma quietly gulped. His stiff shoulders cancelled the comfort of the padded seat. His forehead was the sweat equivalent of a Call of Duty server full of twelve year olds on the first day of summer break.

Seemingly without care, Touma's school boy fantasy-tier attractive teacher casually held a steering wheel in her hands. She gave off the impression that she was laid back but stern and discipline when the situation called for it.

And she wore a pair of the young Kamijou's uniform.

Clothes she gingerly filled out.

Gingerly, man.

To be specific, Touma's school uniform was about one size too small. The pants snuggly stopped just at her calf after her ankle. The shirt exposed her bf belly button and part of her chiseled abs. The vest stopped right we her waist but it would have rose if she leaned over.

Touma's heart did jumping jacks in his chest. Immediately after, Yomikawa spoke cheerfully.

"They're a liiiiitle bit tight, but thanks again for letting me borrow some of your clothes."

(Don't count your blessings Kamijou,) he thought. (Surely, this is the universe testing your inquisitive, developing teenage mind only to yank back the carrot at last second! If I assess the situation carefully, I can formulate a stratagem to avoid the pending misfortune lurking within the shadows. The solution is simple... Just don't…look... Don't…grab...the carrot…)

To wane his inner demons, Kamijou turned to the side and focused on the picture showesque scenery beyond the windshield. As a responsible adult and member of the law enforcement agency, Yomikawa drove at an even pace. It was perfect for people watching. Kamijou adjusted his tactics accordingly. He paid heed to the lingerie merchant opening shop.

(Fwoopoofsh!)

He darted his gaze toward the 3rd year high schooler bent over to tie her shoe. A strong gust of wind struck and revealed her modest, white, cotton pantie with yellow polkadots that she had NO business wearing in that cold weather. She must have been a track runner because her toned butt filled out the undergarments to a form fitting degree.

(Gowahh!)

Sweat poured off the lad's forehead like some sort of aqua themed meteor shower attack from a JRPG. As his health bar dangerously depleted, his _other_ health bar began to rise. However, in this perilous situation, if his HP reached even fifty percent...well...

It would be game over. For his dignity.

But the young man swallowed.

(No…)

Despite the sea of perspiration and anxiety drowning his senses, Touma's torso tensed. Not with fear, nor impulsivity.

(I refuse…)

But with conviction.

(Every single day, Ms. Yomikawa wakes up in the morning for one purpose… Drinking? Bills? Employees benefits? No…)

With the intensity of 14 TNT explosions, Kamijou reflexively clenched his right arm.

(She comes to school with eager enthusiasm...she tries to help her students deal with their personal issues. Even if she can't talk away all their problems... even if she can't do anything to diffuse the situation entirely, at the very least, she _tries_ to put a smile on your face.

(She works every single day for the future of this city's youth, standing between classroom, bullets, and teenage hormones at almost all hours of the day. I can only imagine what she has to go through on a constant basis! So that's why…)

Flashbacks of every accidental breast grope, every panty head butt, every instance of accidental perversion and impure thought he's had since his journey began assaulted his conscious. But before he was complete flung into the darkness...

(That's why…!)

An image of her smile and optimism permeated his vision. He was almost blinded by her brilliance. So much that he couldn't look away.

No… that's not quite right. He didn't _want_ to look away.

(That's why I refuse to get objectify her like some peace of meat!)

Touma squeezed every muscle under his conscious control and arched his torso back. In a ploy, it looked like he was stretching. Even subtly, this sudden change in position would only draw attention to him. This was further complicated by his thrust like motion, highly provocative in and of itself. As pure and as kind as she is, Yomikawa Aiho was still human. A woman in the prime of her life. Statistically speaking, her hormonal levels and excellent health make her an ideal mating partner.

But as easily as she can attract people, she can also become attracted to others. Healthier people have a higher libido and are more likely to be subconsciously driven to seek out partners or elevate their desirability with certain behaviors. Women are holistic. They rate attractiveness on a scale according to how the totality of somebody's traits indicate them to be a good provider or a mating partner. However, just as men can, as infamously phrased, "hit it and quit it" based on a few signs of fertility, so too can the fairer sex be wooed by one or two cues of desirability.

Touma is a teenager. His hormones have only been rising since he started puberty. The amount of manly cues he gives out allude even him. So why would he thrust his upper body in such a dire situation?

(That's what you'd expect, isn't it?!)

If he had hunched forward, that would be even more auspicious. He had to make it look natural to draw attention away from himself. He was hiding in plain sight. However, the stinger of all this was..

(Teenage hormones?! Manly urges?! I'll shatter those fucked up illusions!)

By the time Yomikawa peaked over, Touma's lap was as flat as a brand new coffee table.

By sheer force of will, Touma _cancelled his hidden weapon mid rise despite his budding testosterone levels._

But, the seemingly innocent and voluptuous Yomikawa smiled and giggled as the car slowed down at a yellow light.

(Nani?!)

The car stopped at the red light.

"Relax, kid," she said smoothly, sultry to the untrained ear. "You're with me, so it's okay to be late since it's my fault. But…" She pointed at him with an index finger. "Don't make a habit out of it, or I'll be forced to give you remedial courses." And for absolutely no fucking reason, she slightly leaned towards him and half closed her eyes. " _Private. Courses._ "

"-"

(Ah.)

Touma was at a loss. Completely disoriented. It was like a flash bang went off right in front of his face. For a second, he felt like he was floating forward in an endless abyss. He sat with relaxed face muscles surrounded by eternal whiteness.

(I have been defeated.)

The scenery slowly painted itself back to normal. Yomikawa still sat but with a slightly concerned look.

"Uhhh, are you having a stroke or something…?" she asked.

In due time, Touma's lower armor would be dented from the inside. He sat there dimly for a few seconds. Then he swallowed. He rose his right arm.

"Clench your teeth, small one," he whispered in a grim tone. Yomikawa squinted in confusion.

"Huh…?" she said.

Suddenly, a car violently rammed into them from behind. Touma and Yomikawa gasped in their seats as they violently rocked back and forth and side to side and all over the fucking place. Touma lost his body orientation. He was bombard by the various papers, car ornaments, and empty cigarette packets in every direction. He shielded his face with his arms as best he could, but he could not get a good enough grasp to firmly set them in place. They dangled at his sides much like everything else in the car.

As long as that last paragraph made it seem, the whole ordeal only lasted about two seconds. Touma's hair was littered with bits of paper and cigarette ash. He could barely raise his legs due to the amount of wreckage on them. His left arm, extended to his side, was also pinned under some trash. He miserably groaned as he rubbed his eyes.

(Just my rotten luck…Something was bound to run into me and ruin my day. I knew it was to happen sooner or later. How does all this even fit in one car? I never took Ms. Yomikawa for the…)

"Gh…! Ms. Yomikawa!" Touma swung his head to the left. The familiar face was nowhere in sight. Instead, mountains of empty cigarette packs and magazines filled the space all around her seat. Kamijou rotated his head for a 360 degree sweep of the car. "Ms. Yomikawa?" He did it again in the opposite direction to be certain.

(Hey, what gives? Surely, a grown woman's body doesn't just disappear upon loss of consciousness. Is this a video game…?)

Touma squinted.

(Or perhaps I'm subconsciously ignoring the obvious…)

Touma gulped. Beads of sweat slipped down for his forehead. His pupils slowly lowered and stood there for a seconds. With a jittery right hand, he swiped off a pile of rubble.

"Ah...ahhhh…"

Kamijo's lower lip quivered while a weird sound creaked from his mouth. His arms stiffened and he profusely began to sweat. These were stress levels abnormal to that of a high school boy, but anything was possible with an incredibly shitty amount of awful luck.

Atop his ever so sensitive developing lap slept the beautiful and drooling Yomikawa Aiho. The top of her ample bust just ever so slightly pushed against the side of Touma's thigh. Touma's face glowed a peachy pink. He gritted his teeth.

(So it was a sneak attack, huh, you bastards? Heh. Well played.)

Touma closed his eyes and signed. He then dropped his head and crazily scratched at his skull.

"Dammit, why does it feel like this is the only action I'll get for a long time?!"

"... Huh?"

Touma took pause. As if he was subconsciously signaled, he slowly turned around. Standing a few centimeters away from him on the sidewalk was a middle school girl. They made eye contact for the world's longest awkward moment.

"Ah!" said Touma, waving his hand in protest. "Wait wait wait! It's not what you think it is! We ended up in a car crash and she happened to fall in this position! I'm not some sort of charming sex god who can woo older women with charisma! Or some sort of sexual predator-"

"Wow!" said the girl, excited. "It's really nice of you to comfort your big sister during her 'monthly payments!'"

"You didn't hear a damn thing I said!"

In his classroom, Touma's person was met with the threatening gaze of competitive, gossiping peers. Petty chattering, as low as it was, echoed off the walls.

"(Lucky bastard…)"

"(What's so great about Kamijou?)"

"(My parents could save fifteen minutes by switching their car insurance…)"

Kamijou rolled his eyes and dejectedly sighed.

(Gee whiz…) he thought. (At least pretend like I'm standing in front of you…)

Suddenly, Kamijou quietly gasped.

( _Wait a sec!_ Normally, when people talk smack about me, it's always something negative! But this time…!)

Touma surveyed the room once more. At almost every corner, he was met with playful leers, giggles, and PG-13 hand signals.)

Touma turned around and pumped his rock hard fist. He did it to hide the tears welling up in his eyes, ready to burst like a geysers. Tears he almost choked on.

(They're doing it out of spite! I never thought I'd live to see the day when someone would be jealous of me! Me! The most unlucky guy in the entire cosmos! Is this a sign from the heavens?! Are the dog days of Kamijou Touma finally coming to an end?!)

The entrance door opened violently. What came through was a pink haired child who held a bundle of soft cover textbooks. Or rather, the legal loli who is among the oldest people in this story.

"Kamijou Touma!" she said. "You SUCK"

The sucker jerked back. He dejectedly smiled as he turned around.

(Of course not.)

"Ms. Komoe?!" he said. "What did I do this time?!"

"Oh, hey Tsukuyomi," said Yomikawa as she turned to her bite sized colleague. "Glad you made it to the party."

"Don't give me that party crap! How could you be so irresponsible as to drive a student to school!? Aren't you aware of the kind of rumors that could pop up from that?!"

Touma's face became red.

"Just tell the local paper, why don'tcha!" he said.

Unfazed, Kone turned to her student.

"And _you,_ " she angrily said. "As a disciplined young man, you are liable for any psychological damage you might have caused!"

"Just what the hell do you think happened?!"

A blue haired student and Touma's friend, Aogami Pierce gasped and clinched his fist with enthusiasm.

For some reason, the seat next to him was empty.

"This is just like those doujins I pirate online!" he said. "Just make sure you protect yourself, Kami!"

"You shut up!" Touma puffed his chest, sighed, then hunched over. He placed a hand on his forehead. "Gimme me a break… Ms. Yomikawa, back me up on thi…"

And just when the young man's heart couldn't take anymore of this nonsense, the beautiful Yomikawa Aiho stood there, lightly biting the space on thinner digit of her index finger. She looked at the floor, shyly, with rose tinted cheeks. Her long legs rubbed against each other near the knees. In clothes slightly too tight for her. It was an unsaid rules that she was attractive, but never has her fertility been highlighted before an audience.

Most or the male, and some female, students had tomato toned faces, bloody noses, heart eyes and whatever anime cliché that fit the situation.

"It's…" Yomikawa said quietly. "It's not like we did anything wrong or something. I just got all wet and needed to borrow his clothes. That's all. I'm only wearing them because mine are wet, not because they're kind of comfortable...I swear. What are you insinuating you scumbag…? I'll arrest you…"

"YOU'RE MAKING IT SOUND WORSE! And stop acting like that! You think I don't have enough bipolar girls to deal with?!"

"...Huh…?"

Misaka Mikoto inexplicably sneezed.

"...Huh…?" she said.

Kuroko started at her curiously.

"Do you have a cold, Sissy?" she said.

"No...I don't think so. But…" She arched her head towards the gray sky. "I can't shake the feeling that someone's talking about me…"

(I wonder...if it's…?)

A certain spiky haired high school student appeared in her vision. Mikoto's face went limp for a second.

"Seriously?" said Kuroko as she placed a hand on her hip. "I never pegged you for the superstitious type."

Mikoto pouted.

"I'm not. I just happened to think that right after sneezing. That maybe someone important is thinking about… A-anyway! You didn't say bless you!"

"But you're already blessed by the heavens with your radiant beauty. And I'm blessed everyday to get afeelofthemTITTIES"

"Knock it off you PERVERT!"

Blue sparks howled with a horny masochist in the mellow morning.

"Hey, Akushi."

"Yeah, Jazz?"

"We should do something about that Railgun."

"...Mmmmmmmmm…..."

"Don't be such a dipshit, oh my God. She could blow everything to hell if she gets involved."

"I already had it covered. You worry too much my...boy."

"So why not start sooner rather than later?"

"I'm playing this really cool farming game on my phone."

"I'm going to knock your stupid normie ass out."

"Nyaaaaaa~~~"

"Stop imitating Tsuchimikado-kun!"

"Hey. Where's Tsuchimikado?"

Aogami, who had his head down, turned to Touma.

"I dunno."

"Aren't you guys a duo or something?"

Aogami rose.

"Aren't you guys neighbors or something?"

Memories of Tsuchimikado's smiling, bloodied face played in Kamijou's head.

(Tsuchimikado sure does get into a lot of trouble…) he thought. (And yet, he always makes it back somehow.)

"He's a master slacker. I'm merely a slacker in training. We rise at different times."

"Then why does he always show up earlier? Actually, his attendance and grades are way better too."

"You fool. A true slacker is on top of his responsibilities when need be. Otherwise, he falls into despair."

"But wouldn't that be contradictory to the very nature of it?"

"If everyone was lazy, there would be no time to be lazy. The world would fall into a saturated chaos. The arteries of order would be clogged. The fatty cells of chaos would run rampant. The cavities of calamity would erode our very being to eventual nothingness.

"Hard work is necessary to maintain our lives. But it must be balanced out by no work, the resting stage. However, a third unsung hero arises. Those who only put in enough effort to get by. To balance out the energies expended by those who work themselves to death. My friend, we are a part of a long legacy, a hallowed trinity directly tied to order of the universe and humanity's destiny."

"Wow that's a lot of bullshit, but it sure did sound deep."

"I read somewhere that laziness has it's evolutionary beginnings in calorie preservation and high intelligence. I'm choosing to justify my laziness by believing I'm the later."

"Well, you must be a super genius since you're the worst student out of the three of us. That still puts you on top, sensei."

"Don't call me that. Unlike you, I actually have a future to look forward to."

"Oh yeah? Being a lazy genius can only take you so far in life. But I guess you're good as long as you try when it counts."

Touma blinked.

"I was joking for the most part," he said. "But when did you get so philosophical? Are you a shape shifting alien?"

"My hamster died. I've had time to think."

"... I'm sorry…"

There was an awkward pause between the friends.

"If only you thought about school like that," Touma said.

"Yeah," said Aogami. "But then I wouldn't be a slacker."

"...Ohhhhhhhhhh…"

"Ohhhhhhhhhh…"

Suddenly, Ms. Komoe's squeaky voice reached them.

"Quiet, you two!" she said. "Class is starting!"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Yes ma'am!"

A student with a big forehead and equally big breasts sighed.

"Good grief," she said. "When will those idiots learn?"


	7. Chapter 1P6

Accelerator walked into the somewhat lucrative living room. A blue haired woman in a lab coat lazily sat at a table. A steamy cup of coffee was in front of her. Yoshikawa Aiho lightly blew the steam away from the top of the cup. She then took a light sip for about three seconds.

"Ah…" she whispered to herself. She heard the sound a mechanical cane hitting floor. A gentle smile grew on her lips. "Good morning Accel…" She turned to witness Accelerator slightly hunched over and sweating. The smile vanished "Accelerator? You're looking pale...Well, paler than usual."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Haa..." he spat. He dragged his feet and panted for a foot before Yoshikawa walked over. She wrapped his free arm over her shoulders and guided him to the couch. "Coffee...I need...coffee."

Yoshikawa placed the back of her palm against his forehead.

"You need medicine. You're burning up. Why are _you_ burning up?"

"COFFEE."

"Right…"

Yoshikawa walked to a kitchen cabinet and grabbed a captioned coffee mug. In black letters, it read "#1 Esper." It wasn't custom made. It was just another one of those captioned products to make people feel important or better than others. She returned to the living space and tried to pour Accelerator a full cup. But he grabbed the mug part way and gulped it down. He let out a long gasp.

"Aaargha!"

Accelerator recoiled from the heat of the coffee but he persisted through about half of it. With light tears in his eyes, he gasped a few times as Yoshikawa watched, stunned. Her expression was a mix of awe and terror.

"Hey," she said, worried. "Accelerator… What's going on? Why didn't you just use your vector manipulation to reflect the thermal energy of the coffee if you knew it was too hot?"

Accelerator hacked.

"Because," he said following and exhausted and exasperated sigh. "My calculations are messed up…"

Yoshikawa's eyes widened to their extremes.

"...W-what…? But that shouldn't be possible. Your electrode connects you directly to the Misaka Network. You should have more than enough brain power to perform a few simple calculations… Especially someone as brilliant as _you_."

"Spare me the flattery. This is…" He gasped then swallowed. "This is just to help me concentrate..." Accelerator massaged his temples in a circular motion with his index and middle fingers. Yoshikawa moved the conversation forward. Despite him being mentally tired, she spoke as if nothing were wrong.

"Ever since the Amai incident, you've been reliant If your connection to the Misaka Network to compensate for your lack of brain activity. Only a select amount of people know more than that…Somebody's out to get you…"

"Tell me something I don't know."

"If your connection is severed even by a small percentage, then we have one of two possibilities. Firstly…"

She paused and looked off to the wide. Accelerator started at her impatiently.

"This isn't a novel. Get to the point."

"Firstly, somebody is killing off the Misakas."

Accelerator's pupils dilated and his back stiffened. Yoshikawa quickly glanced at him before continuing. "Whoever is doing this sees your abilities as a threat and wants to incapacitate you."

"Somebody thinks they can deliver penance onto me. What else is new?"

"I say "incapacitate" for a reason. Assuming they're remnants from Academy City's dark side, it's likely they have an information network that isn't accessible through mainstream methods. Worst case a scenario, they assumed you'd want to investigate the situation. They, whoever they are, could be in the position to control the flow of knowledge pertaining to your unique situation. It's very possible they're already spoon feeding you hints that could lead you to your sterilization."

"It wouldn't be the first time somebody's knew of a method around my ability. And someone trying to kill me is no headliner either."

"..."

"Don't give me that look. This isn't some guidance counselor meeting. I'm a weapon with no wielder. A means to an end that's too powerful for anyone's comfort. _You_ of all people don't have the right to make such a pitiful face."

"I know. I was one of the scientists that worked on Project Level 6 Shift. I'm the last person who has any right to cast pity on you. Even so, I still believe in a future where you don't have to be the walking WMD you were made to be. Where you and Last Order and Worst can live like any normal person, without anybody trying to manipulate or take vengeance on you."

The identical faces of reminiscent of a child and large breasted Misaka clouded Accelerator's thoughts.

"... … … How's the kid?"

"Last Order hasn't woken up yet. It's 8:47 on a Tuesday morning and she doesn't go to school. Naturally, she would want to sleep in, despite my protests."

"Don't tell her what I'm about to do."

"...Children are more perceptive than adults give them credit for. As the control tower to the Sisters, she'd naturally find out and make the connection between the missing Sisters and your investigation. Actually, it would be advantageous for us if we just asked her what happened to-"

"Do you have shit between your ears? I said she's off limits. If these insects have intimate knowledge about me, then they'd know about my connection to Last Order. The munchkin is gonna wanna help in anyway she can, even if it means leaving the house. And there's also the risk of another virus being transmitted to her. The less she knows, the safer she'll be."

"Right. And she's also your main bridge to the mental capacity afforded to you by the combined brain power of the Misaka Network. If anything were to happen to her-"

"The information network stops at a certain level. If they knew where we lived, they'd have attacked me in my sleep. If they had any chance of facing me head on, they wouldn't have targeted the Sisters. An indirect assault is their best chance at facing me. We don't know when or how many Sisters they'll keep slaughtering, but I'm not waiting to find out.

"Hold on. That's only one of two possibilities. The only other possible explanation is-"

Accelerator turned his head to the side. Whatever caught his attention was enough to demand a reaction in this dire situation but he looked on with a neutral expression. Yoshikawa raised an eyebrow then starred in the same direction. She had the same non reaction as Accelerator.

At the kitchen area was Last Order, the splitting image of an eight year old Misaka Mikoto, rubbed her eye with the knuckle of her index finger. With halfway open eyes, she looked at her elders. Neither Yoshinawa nor Accelerator reacted. They continued to gaze at the midwake child.

"'Misaka has awoken from her slumber with disappointment,' says Misaka as she rubs eyes gently with her small fingers. My expectations were low…" Last Order covered her mouth as she yawned. "...but she did not expect a table completely devoid of her most important meal of the day, or so they say. Misaka much rather prefers dessert…"

Yoshikawa slightly opened her mouth but soon lightly bit her lower lip.

"Hey kid," said Accelerator. "How did you sleep?"

"'What's wrong?' asks Misaka, now fully alert."

"I'm just asking, you brat."

"'But you _never_ ask me how I slept, so I can only surmise that prior to my awakening, something concerning the functioning of me and the Misaka Network has been brought to your attention. And the fact that you just lied about it means you don't want Misaka to be involved in the matter' says Misaka displaying what she feels to be true."

A pause…

"'Misaka interprets your silence as a confirmation to her findings,' says Misaka."

"Last Order…" said Yoshikawa.

The young girl frowned.

"'Is Misaka in danger…?' asks Misaka as she lowers her voice to signify her basic survival instincts…"

Accelerator slowly stood up. Last Order and Yoshikawa blankly stared at him as he paced toward the small girl. When he reached her, he got on one knee and slide his hand down his cane. His free hand gently landed on her delicate shoulder.

"Last Order," he calmly said in a low voice. "You're annoying."

Last Order remained quiet.

"'Huuuuuuuuuh?!' exclaims Misaka as she waves her arms in protest and confusion at the sudden tonal shift!"

"You're annoying, a pain in the ass to look after, and in many ways the bane of my existence." Accelerator briefly paused as Last Order cutely pouted while on the verge of tears. "Even someone like me needs some down time to recharge their batteries every once in a while. And you're like an electric tick that just I just can't seem to scratch off. So I'm going out for a walk to forget about you for a while. Later. Ya brat."

On that last sentence, Accelerator flicked Last Order's nose, who flinched and covered it with her hands. Then he stood up and started towards the living room door. While doing so, he slightly turned to Yoshikawa. The scientist was bewildered at first, but she looked down and smiled to herself.

"Hey, Yoshikawa," said Accelerator. "Keep a close eye on her. Kids can extremely be unpredictable and bothersome."

"Preaching to the choir, kid," said Yoshikawa with a smile as she held Last Order by the shoulders.

"'I'll have you know that was extremely rude and uncalled for! Misaka won't forgive you until you come crawling back on your knees groveling for forgiveness,' says Misaka as she asserts puffs her chest and flails her arms to assert herself!"

"Shut uuuuuuup," said Accelerator as he casually left the well built and decorated apartment.

The thin albino stood still at the entrance to his guardian's apartment. He had a far off look as he starred forward at nothing in particular. At the time, not even the slightest sound could be heard in the hallway.

An image of Last Order flashed before him. Then of Yoshikawa and Yoshikawa and a bustier, teenaged Mikoto with messy hair and a mischievous look.

(Yeah. You're annoying,) he thought. (You're all so Goddamn annoying. But even so…)

He turned and walked to the elevator. He pressed the white circular "1" button and it glew a bright red. The white up arrow above the doors did the same thing.

(Even so…)

In about ten seconds, a the doors opened with the sound of a bell. He stepped in and pressed the "CLOSE DOORS" button located under all the numbered buttons. Following another bell, the doors closed. A feint mechanical sound could be heard as the small rectangular room moved. Accelerator detected the downward shift in momentum as his body felt lighter. He looked up at the descending numbers displayed above the doors in red lights. 3...2...1…

(Even so…)

Another bell resounded. The doors slowly opened. Then he took a step. Then several more. The sound of his sneakers and cane hitting the floor filled the empty lobby.

(These are the feelings that make up a normal life. The mundane emotions that bring us comfort and compassion in such a shitty existence.)

He left the apartment. The mild winter wind splashed against his face.

He took another step.

(And I'd do _anything_ to preserve those feelings.)

He pulled a flip phone out of his pocket. He went through the contacts and highlighted a name that read "Annoying." He pressed the green phone icon and brought the phone to his ear. After a too long pause, he spoke.

"Hey you. You're in trouble. Let's talk over coffee."


End file.
